Dads and Daughters

It surprises me how many men are partly absent from their daughters’ lives.  I’m not talking about those men who are physically absent or who don’t take an interest in their children.  I’m talking about the dads who love their daughters and who play an active part in raising them.  What surprises me is how many of these loving fathers don’t acknowledge that their girls are just that – girls!  Their daughters don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to dad about sex or say that they’re not feeling good because of menstrual cramps.  When did anatomy and physiology become something to be ashamed of?  Why is it okay for fathers to get their daughters a remedy for a headache or a band-aid for a cut finger, while it is somehow taboo for them to buy their daughters sanitary pads or tampons?

My advice to fathers would be to be present for your daughters in every way.  Realize that they are women.  Try to see the world through their eyes and think about what it feels to be a teenage girl whose body is changing.  And, most importantly, talk.  Communicate and make your daughters feel comfortable with you on every level.  I was blessed to have a dad who did this for me.  At any time I could ask him to drive to the supermarket because I desperately needed tampons.  As a girl, I appreciated that.  I felt acknowledged and understood (well, as understood as a teenage girl can feel!!).   As a woman I realize the true meaning of having a dad who recognized and celebrated that I was a young woman, and I’m deeply grateful.

Don’t let your regrets get in the way of your dreams

Most people who get to know me remark about how positive and optimistic I am, and while this is true, like anyone else, I get frustrated about some aspects of my life.  I wish I could have some do-overs, particularly in my teenage years – I sigh, thinking about how I could have handled things better and how, if I had done so, my life would have been so much happier.  And of course I’m conflicted just thinking such thoughts because I do believe that through your thoughts, you create your life.  What’s the point of thinking about things that you did wrong; things that you cannot change?  The truth of the matter is that if I hadn’t made all those mistakes, I couldn’t have learned what I did and the result would have been that I wouldn’t be who I am now.  We all have 20/20 hindsight – that’s easy!  What’s not so easy is believing in your dream while you feel you are hanging on by a thread.  Yes, I have felt and sometimes still feel that way.  I have also developed a solution to this feeling – a simple, logical way to deal with this.

The logic is this:  you become what you think!  If you think happy thoughts, you feel good and similarly, the opposite is true.  Put another way, like attracts like – what you think, you will attract to yourself.  Given this logic, there is no room in my life for thinking about “shoulda, coulda, wouldas” and most of the time, these days I remember that.  There are moments when I fall off the wagon, but at those times I start thinking about how much I have to be grateful for and make a mental gratitude list.  There is no doubt that I’m blessed. 

However, think about this:  just a few decades ago, girls and women didn’t have the opportunity to know that they could make their dreams come true.  But they had dreams anyway.  They knew that it might be near impossible to ever achieve their dreams, but they took the next step anyway.  They braved the dream stealers, weathered the storms and used their obstacles as stepping stones.  When they reached their dreams, they opened the door of possibility for women everywhere.  That’s true courage.  If it wasn’t for them, my path would be a lot harder.  These women spent their lives creating opportunities for women like me, and that thought changes everything!