Dads and Daughters

It surprises me how many men are partly absent from their daughters’ lives.  I’m not talking about those men who are physically absent or who don’t take an interest in their children.  I’m talking about the dads who love their daughters and who play an active part in raising them.  What surprises me is how many of these loving fathers don’t acknowledge that their girls are just that – girls!  Their daughters don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to dad about sex or say that they’re not feeling good because of menstrual cramps.  When did anatomy and physiology become something to be ashamed of?  Why is it okay for fathers to get their daughters a remedy for a headache or a band-aid for a cut finger, while it is somehow taboo for them to buy their daughters sanitary pads or tampons?

My advice to fathers would be to be present for your daughters in every way.  Realize that they are women.  Try to see the world through their eyes and think about what it feels to be a teenage girl whose body is changing.  And, most importantly, talk.  Communicate and make your daughters feel comfortable with you on every level.  I was blessed to have a dad who did this for me.  At any time I could ask him to drive to the supermarket because I desperately needed tampons.  As a girl, I appreciated that.  I felt acknowledged and understood (well, as understood as a teenage girl can feel!!).   As a woman I realize the true meaning of having a dad who recognized and celebrated that I was a young woman, and I’m deeply grateful.

10 Lessons for Women by Women: How to sail your ship

“I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.”  ~ Louisa May Alcott

Always know there is value in the storms that occur in your life.  Once you recognize this, you can truly make the most of every opportunity – opportunities often come disguised as extreme adversity.  And the way you allow the adversity to shape you determines whether you have gained something from it.  Often heartaches are our greatest teachers if we allow them this place in our lives. 

As a girl or woman, you may have experienced injustice because of your gender; you may have had opportunities taken away from you and perhaps you have had people around you who tried to destroy your self-esteem.  The real question is:  what has this taught you?  Has it taught you to work even harder for what you want or to hold onto your dreams no matter what?  Or do you just feel oppressed by what happened to you?  The events that you’ve experienced cannot change, but you can re-examine them and choose to learn something empowering from these events.  You can choose to become a stronger and more capable person because of these lessons.  It’s not about the storms – eventually it’s all about how you choose to sail your ship!     

10 Lessons for Women by Women: The longings of your heart

“Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves. We must learn to respect them. We must learn to listen.”  ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach.

What are the “deepest wishes” of your heart?  Have you forgotten these?  Think back to when you were a twelve year old girl and the world was filled with possibility and you were filled with the energy of your own potential.  Think about the girl you were and the hope that filled you no matter what life threw at you.  There is only one difference now:  you are a woman and you are even more powerful than you were as a young girl.  Recognize that power within you and every once in a while, stop your busy routine and cut through the white noise.  Then breathe and listen.  You will be brought back to the person you really are.  Connect with her again and feel her pulsing energy.  She deserves your respect and she deserves your attention.



Feel safe to be you - Acting "as if"

We’ve already played the IF Game in my last blog, but now it’s time to step up and be the woman you were born to be.  Sounds easier than it actually is – this is true.  But I do know that every woman everywhere would be MUCH happier if she stepped up, got out of her comfort zone and started living out the person inside.  So here’s the way to tackle our number one obstacle – fear!!

Start acting as if you weren’t afraid.  Walk as if you were confident.  Talk as if you were the person you were born to be.  The secret is that when you start acting this way, you’ll eventually find yourself being this person!  Start small.  Act “as if” with just one action, such as the way you walk or perhaps the way you talk.  Then, once you’ve mastered it, move on to the next action.  This may sound fake or inauthentic to you at first, but the bottom line is that it does work.  Go ahead and try it – look in the mirror and commit to doing this, because the woman you are looking at is definitely worth it!

Feel safe to be you: The IF Game

You’ve already begun the journey to get to know the young woman you are better – to find who you really are; your base nature.  You’ve searched for the moment in your life when you felt good about yourself and you felt happy.  Now it’s time to deepen that journey – to meet the real you without everyone around you telling you who you can be or who you should be.

Let’s go unlimited!  We’re going to play The IF Game.  Find a quiet spot and some uninterrupted time.  You’ll need a pen and your journal (the same one in which you answered the questions about yourself from the previous blog, The Apple on your Head).   Make sure you’re feeling calm and relaxed – you’re going to use your imagination, and if you’re stressed this exercise won’t work so well.

Imagine that you could be the young woman you truly wanted to be without anyone placing any limits on you.  Your choices would not be anyone else’s choices but your own, based on what’s best for you.  Your intention is not to be reckless or do irresponsible things, but to be the person you are inside, to act in accordance with your deepest intentions.  Close your eyes, think about this and then write your answer down for each “IF-Scenario”:

1.      If you could wear whatever you wanted to wear, what sort of clothes would you buy (and don’t let what the media prescribes influence your choices – be the individual that you are)?

2.      If you could do any sport/activity what would it be?

3.      If you could follow any career that you chose, what would you want to do for the rest of your life?

4.      If you could go on holiday to any place in the world, where would you choose to go?

5.      If you could give to any cause/charity that you wanted, which cause/charity would it be?

6.      If you could spend time with anyone in the world right now, who would it be?

Take a deep breath.  In the few minutes that you thought about these questions, you were free – free of the world’s rules, restrictions and prescriptions.  You were just you.  Remember who that is.  If you didn’t know the answers to the “IF-Scenarios”, take time and find out what your answers are.  Don’t feel bad – many girls and women have never taken the time think about this – they simply weren’t raised this way.  Role playing has been part of womanhood for centuries, but you have the power and the opportunity to break the cycle!  When you are being authentic and living out who you are inside, you will be so much happier than when you’re not.  And this is the root of self-esteem!