10 Lessons for Women by Women: How to sail your ship

“I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.”  ~ Louisa May Alcott

Always know there is value in the storms that occur in your life.  Once you recognize this, you can truly make the most of every opportunity – opportunities often come disguised as extreme adversity.  And the way you allow the adversity to shape you determines whether you have gained something from it.  Often heartaches are our greatest teachers if we allow them this place in our lives. 

As a girl or woman, you may have experienced injustice because of your gender; you may have had opportunities taken away from you and perhaps you have had people around you who tried to destroy your self-esteem.  The real question is:  what has this taught you?  Has it taught you to work even harder for what you want or to hold onto your dreams no matter what?  Or do you just feel oppressed by what happened to you?  The events that you’ve experienced cannot change, but you can re-examine them and choose to learn something empowering from these events.  You can choose to become a stronger and more capable person because of these lessons.  It’s not about the storms – eventually it’s all about how you choose to sail your ship!     

Feel safe to be you: The IF Game

You’ve already begun the journey to get to know the young woman you are better – to find who you really are; your base nature.  You’ve searched for the moment in your life when you felt good about yourself and you felt happy.  Now it’s time to deepen that journey – to meet the real you without everyone around you telling you who you can be or who you should be.

Let’s go unlimited!  We’re going to play The IF Game.  Find a quiet spot and some uninterrupted time.  You’ll need a pen and your journal (the same one in which you answered the questions about yourself from the previous blog, The Apple on your Head).   Make sure you’re feeling calm and relaxed – you’re going to use your imagination, and if you’re stressed this exercise won’t work so well.

Imagine that you could be the young woman you truly wanted to be without anyone placing any limits on you.  Your choices would not be anyone else’s choices but your own, based on what’s best for you.  Your intention is not to be reckless or do irresponsible things, but to be the person you are inside, to act in accordance with your deepest intentions.  Close your eyes, think about this and then write your answer down for each “IF-Scenario”:

1.      If you could wear whatever you wanted to wear, what sort of clothes would you buy (and don’t let what the media prescribes influence your choices – be the individual that you are)?

2.      If you could do any sport/activity what would it be?

3.      If you could follow any career that you chose, what would you want to do for the rest of your life?

4.      If you could go on holiday to any place in the world, where would you choose to go?

5.      If you could give to any cause/charity that you wanted, which cause/charity would it be?

6.      If you could spend time with anyone in the world right now, who would it be?

Take a deep breath.  In the few minutes that you thought about these questions, you were free – free of the world’s rules, restrictions and prescriptions.  You were just you.  Remember who that is.  If you didn’t know the answers to the “IF-Scenarios”, take time and find out what your answers are.  Don’t feel bad – many girls and women have never taken the time think about this – they simply weren’t raised this way.  Role playing has been part of womanhood for centuries, but you have the power and the opportunity to break the cycle!  When you are being authentic and living out who you are inside, you will be so much happier than when you’re not.  And this is the root of self-esteem!

Feel safe to be you: Confidence and Self-esteem

One of the challenges many girls and women have is a lack of self-esteem.  When so many women of my mom’s generation tell me that in their childhood years they felt that they were supposed to be seen and not heard, it is easy to understand why this lack of self-esteem has filtered down to the girls of today.

Blaming the past is not going to solve this, and this blog series is about finding a solution, not rehashing the problem.  But I do think that every girl who read this and feels that this blog series applies to her, should look at when the lack of self-esteem and the feelings of insecruity started.  If this applies to you, I have a few questions that you should ask yourself:

1. When was the last time that you felt safe enough to just be yourself without giving thought to who was around you or where you were?
2. Who is the person with whom you can be most yourself?  And why?
3. What do you like most about yourself?
4. What do you enjoy doing?  Now this may seem like an irrelevant question, but the reason for it will be clear later in the series.  Just write down everything in life that you enjoy doing (hobbies, interests, social activities, sports activities, etc.)
5. Do you feel that you know who you are or are you still learning about your likes, dislikes, beliefs, etc.
6. Do you ever feel inferior to your friends/classmates?  If so, why?
7. Do you ever feel intimidated by your friends/classmates/other boys or girls in your age group?  If so, why?
8. What would you like to do in your life that you feel you don’t have the confidence to do eg.  participating in a specific activity, dressing the way you’d like to dress, speaking up in public, etc.

Think about these questions and when you have answers, write them down.  Your answers will help you as the blog series progresses.  I look forward to you using the series to develop your confidence and being the best person you can be! 

For more information about the Leave No Girl Behind movement or the Leadership Program and Worldwide Network for girls, please visit:  http://www.leavenogirlbehind.org/.