Feel safe to be you: The IF Game

You’ve already begun the journey to get to know the young woman you are better – to find who you really are; your base nature.  You’ve searched for the moment in your life when you felt good about yourself and you felt happy.  Now it’s time to deepen that journey – to meet the real you without everyone around you telling you who you can be or who you should be.

Let’s go unlimited!  We’re going to play The IF Game.  Find a quiet spot and some uninterrupted time.  You’ll need a pen and your journal (the same one in which you answered the questions about yourself from the previous blog, The Apple on your Head).   Make sure you’re feeling calm and relaxed – you’re going to use your imagination, and if you’re stressed this exercise won’t work so well.

Imagine that you could be the young woman you truly wanted to be without anyone placing any limits on you.  Your choices would not be anyone else’s choices but your own, based on what’s best for you.  Your intention is not to be reckless or do irresponsible things, but to be the person you are inside, to act in accordance with your deepest intentions.  Close your eyes, think about this and then write your answer down for each “IF-Scenario”:

1.      If you could wear whatever you wanted to wear, what sort of clothes would you buy (and don’t let what the media prescribes influence your choices – be the individual that you are)?

2.      If you could do any sport/activity what would it be?

3.      If you could follow any career that you chose, what would you want to do for the rest of your life?

4.      If you could go on holiday to any place in the world, where would you choose to go?

5.      If you could give to any cause/charity that you wanted, which cause/charity would it be?

6.      If you could spend time with anyone in the world right now, who would it be?

Take a deep breath.  In the few minutes that you thought about these questions, you were free – free of the world’s rules, restrictions and prescriptions.  You were just you.  Remember who that is.  If you didn’t know the answers to the “IF-Scenarios”, take time and find out what your answers are.  Don’t feel bad – many girls and women have never taken the time think about this – they simply weren’t raised this way.  Role playing has been part of womanhood for centuries, but you have the power and the opportunity to break the cycle!  When you are being authentic and living out who you are inside, you will be so much happier than when you’re not.  And this is the root of self-esteem!

Feel safe to be you: The apple on your head!

There was probably a time in your childhood when you felt good – when you were quite happy with the girl you were.  It didn’t matter how you looked, you felt safe just being you.  Do you remember that time?  If you do, think of it and notice how you feel.  If you can’t remember such a time, remember something good about your childhood, no matter how insignificant it may seem – something that caused you to feel loved in some way. 

That’s the feeling you need to get back if you’ve lost it.  Because the truth is that the girl you were who knew who she was and knew what she liked was enough just the way she was, and her light and beauty shone through who she was.

So the question is:  how do you get such a thing back – how do you feel good about yourself again and how do you feel safe and confident again?  I’ve traveled this road and it’s a process, but it comes in the small things. 

1. Start by doing things that you felt good doing in your girlhood eg, riding your bike, playing with a yo-yo, bouncing a ball off the wall.  Perhaps this sounds silly to you, but chances are it will probably make you feel happy.  And happiness is part of regaining confidence and self-esteem. 
2. Listen to music that makes you feel really good, calm and happy.  If you don’t know what music you like, find out.  Rediscovering who you are and what you like is an essential part of the process.
3. While you’re listening to your favourite music, answer some questions about yourself:
1. What is your favourite food/colour/activity/book/poem/quote/etc?
2. What clothes do you like to wear (and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinion when you answer this – they’re not going to read your answer!)?
3. What makes you laugh?
4. Who is your favourite Disney character and why?
5. If you could do something completely outrageous (but legal and without harming yourself or anyone else!!), what would it be?
4. Do one thing that helps you to get out of your comfort zone eg.  make a new friend at school, participate in an activity that you were a little nervous of doing, show someone kindness by doing something nice for them, write a letter of appreciation to a teacher, your coach or one of your parents and give it to them.
5. Read a good book that inspires you and make a note about why it inspired you.

The suggestions above are ways that you can get to really know yourself and the things that make you happy.  This is part of the process of liking and loving yourself again.  No matter who you are, you are an amazing young woman with talents and a purpose. 

Just as gravity always existed, but Sir Isaac Newton became aware of it when an apple fell on his head, your “awesomeness” (I heard this word the other day and love it!) and amazing qualities are inside you.  And, lady, it’s time to be aware of them!  May this blog be the apple falling on your head, and as with Isaac Newton, may it lead to further research and incredible discoveries!!  I’m with you every step of the way!   

Feel safe to be you: Confidence and Self-esteem

One of the challenges many girls and women have is a lack of self-esteem.  When so many women of my mom’s generation tell me that in their childhood years they felt that they were supposed to be seen and not heard, it is easy to understand why this lack of self-esteem has filtered down to the girls of today.

Blaming the past is not going to solve this, and this blog series is about finding a solution, not rehashing the problem.  But I do think that every girl who read this and feels that this blog series applies to her, should look at when the lack of self-esteem and the feelings of insecruity started.  If this applies to you, I have a few questions that you should ask yourself:

1. When was the last time that you felt safe enough to just be yourself without giving thought to who was around you or where you were?
2. Who is the person with whom you can be most yourself?  And why?
3. What do you like most about yourself?
4. What do you enjoy doing?  Now this may seem like an irrelevant question, but the reason for it will be clear later in the series.  Just write down everything in life that you enjoy doing (hobbies, interests, social activities, sports activities, etc.)
5. Do you feel that you know who you are or are you still learning about your likes, dislikes, beliefs, etc.
6. Do you ever feel inferior to your friends/classmates?  If so, why?
7. Do you ever feel intimidated by your friends/classmates/other boys or girls in your age group?  If so, why?
8. What would you like to do in your life that you feel you don’t have the confidence to do eg.  participating in a specific activity, dressing the way you’d like to dress, speaking up in public, etc.

Think about these questions and when you have answers, write them down.  Your answers will help you as the blog series progresses.  I look forward to you using the series to develop your confidence and being the best person you can be! 

For more information about the Leave No Girl Behind movement or the Leadership Program and Worldwide Network for girls, please visit:  http://www.leavenogirlbehind.org/.

WELCOME!

A warm welcome to you from Shameema and I!  Our new website, http://www.leavenogirlbehind.org/,  is the manifestation of what our movement Leave No Girl Behind stands for and what it means to us.  Apart from working on our website and our projects (The HELP-HER-HELP-HERSELF Project and the Leadership Program and Worldwide Network for Girls), we’ve just completed the writing process of our book, also titled Leave No Girl Behind.

Whenever I look at the contents page of the manuscript, excitement bubbles up within me.  It’s not because I’m proud of the book that Shameema and I have created, although I am definitely incredibly proud of it.  I feel excited because I see how many women, men and children there are who have contributed their words to our book.  Each person’s words will impact a girl somewhere to achieve her dreams, or inspire someone to do something to empower girls.  Although the book is not published yet and we are hoping, praying and visualising that we will be accepted by a great mainstream publisher (hopefully Hay House), there is a part of us that knows that, no matter what, this powerful message will go out in the way it was intended to and it will transform the world.

In a sacred way all of us, the contributors to this special book, have joined hands to support the cause of girls’ empowerment, using our collective energy to inspire change in a big way.  And that, I think, is the magic of the whole book.  Authors, singers/songwriters, activists, pilots, editors of magazines, women who are in some ways ambassadors for their countries, mothers, fathers, teenagers, and so many others have decided to share in this endeavor to make the world a better place.  Hope lives, courage stands strong, and faith outweighs cynicism.  We’re building a better future for girls (and for the world population that they will literally one day give birth to) and the thought is both too enormous for words and humbling at the same time.

Please watch the Leave No Girl Behind video above.