10 Lessons for Women by Women: How to sail your ship

“I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.”  ~ Louisa May Alcott

Always know there is value in the storms that occur in your life.  Once you recognize this, you can truly make the most of every opportunity – opportunities often come disguised as extreme adversity.  And the way you allow the adversity to shape you determines whether you have gained something from it.  Often heartaches are our greatest teachers if we allow them this place in our lives. 

As a girl or woman, you may have experienced injustice because of your gender; you may have had opportunities taken away from you and perhaps you have had people around you who tried to destroy your self-esteem.  The real question is:  what has this taught you?  Has it taught you to work even harder for what you want or to hold onto your dreams no matter what?  Or do you just feel oppressed by what happened to you?  The events that you’ve experienced cannot change, but you can re-examine them and choose to learn something empowering from these events.  You can choose to become a stronger and more capable person because of these lessons.  It’s not about the storms – eventually it’s all about how you choose to sail your ship!     

10 Lessons for Women by Women: The longings of your heart

“Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves. We must learn to respect them. We must learn to listen.”  ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach.

What are the “deepest wishes” of your heart?  Have you forgotten these?  Think back to when you were a twelve year old girl and the world was filled with possibility and you were filled with the energy of your own potential.  Think about the girl you were and the hope that filled you no matter what life threw at you.  There is only one difference now:  you are a woman and you are even more powerful than you were as a young girl.  Recognize that power within you and every once in a while, stop your busy routine and cut through the white noise.  Then breathe and listen.  You will be brought back to the person you really are.  Connect with her again and feel her pulsing energy.  She deserves your respect and she deserves your attention.



10 Lessons for Women by Women: The risk of safety

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."  ~ Anais Nin

As girls and women, many of us have chosen to remain in our comfort zones.  Through the ages, the words “safety” and “security” have always been used by the majority of people to describe what they thought we needed (and when I say people, I’m not talking exclusively about men – even our mothers have used these words!).  It’s often not that we have been deprived of opportunities, but that we weren’t encouraged to step out of our comfort zones and do something.  The risk of stepping out conflicted sharply with the images of safety and security.  Even today, there are girls on the brink of adulthood deciding what career to enter into, and as I listen to them describing what they want to study and what work they want to do, I hear them say:  “It’s a good profession for a woman.”  Truthfully, that statement makes my skin crawl.  I want to shake them and say:  “What about your dream?  What is your passion?  Pursue that!!”  The definition of woman should not be “one who is limited by her anatomy”!

But my purpose here is not to berate society for their treatment of girls and women.  I said that many of us have chosen to remain in our comfort zones.  We are not victims – we are responsible for our lives and the choice is ours.  From a woman who believes in the power of being a woman, I hope that it does indeed become more painful for you to risk remaining “tight in the bud”.  Then you will choose to risk stepping out.  And because of this choice, you will blossom.  This is my prayer for every girl and woman worldwide.     

10 Lessons for Women by Women: A Woman's Choice

Women have been taught that, for us, the earth is flat, and that if we venture out, we will fall off the edge.  ~Andrea Dworkin

The first thing I thought of when I read this quote is a story I remember hearing some years ago.  I don’t know how true it is, but apparently if you put a bunch of crickets in a jar and put the lid on, at first they keep jumping as high as they can in an attempt to escape.  After a while, they find that escape isn’t possible and there is pain involved in hitting their heads on the lid each time they jump.  So they learn to jump a little lower in order to avoid this pain.  Soon, they are so well trained regarding what is possible and what isn’t, that you can take the lid off the jar and it makes no difference.  They won’t jump out because they don’t believe it’s possible.

It is true that women have been put down and taught that being a woman means that there are few possibilities.  But it isn’t what society teaches you that matters – it is what you give society permission to teach you; whether you accept the teachings as true.  You can, like the crickets, accept the fact that possibility is limited – you can use history and the experience of many others to justify the fact that your opportunities are limited.  Or you can use history to teach you what to do differently.  You can prove society wrong.  It’s all about what YOU believe to be true and what you’re willing to do about the status quo.  You can blaze a trail for all women – whether they decide to walk that path is their decision, but the trail will be there.   

Lessons for Women by Women: Raise your energy

"Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this room."  ~ Jill Bolte Taylor

Perhaps some of you have read Dr Jill Bolte Taylor’s book and know the context of this quote, but regardless of the reason she said it, this is a powerful and thought-provoking statement.  We are all responsible for the energy we bring with us to any situation in life.  This fact hit home hard one day some years ago when I walked in to teach a Grade 5 class.  I had just had a run-in with the principal of the school and together with the fact that my sister was still struggling with serious health challenges, I felt really low. 

So as I walked in to the noisy bustling of Grade 5’s, my attitude was reflected on my face.  I waited as patiently as I could for silence so that I could greet them, when one little ten year old girl asked me:  “What’s wrong?  Why are you sad?”  In that moment, as I struggled to form a reply, I saw the girl’s face – she looked concerned and insecure, as if she wasn’t sure that it was appropriate to be happy at that moment.  I scanned the other faces in the class.  They were waiting for me to give the cue.  That moment was a turning point for me.  Almost instantaneously, I chose to raise my vibration.  And I saw the effect that it had on the whole class.  This is a lesson I will always remember.

To the women reading this, know that if you are a mother, you set the tone in your home.  Your happiness and your energy will determine how your child will feel.  Let your excitement and joy spill over into your child’s life.  And remember, no matter what the circumstances, the energy that you bring to your loved ones is always a choice!

10 Lessons for Women by Women: You are unique

“You are unique, and if that is not fulfilled then something has been lost.”

       ~ Martha Graham, dancer, choreographer

Just as your fingerprints are totally unique, who you are is one of a kind.  During those times when you feel that you haven’t figured out your unique gift or purpose on this earth, remember that you have one.  Dreams can only be manifested when you open the door to possibility.  Let the unique woman in you shine through.  The world needs you – the real you exactly as you are!

Feel safe to be you - Acting "as if"

We’ve already played the IF Game in my last blog, but now it’s time to step up and be the woman you were born to be.  Sounds easier than it actually is – this is true.  But I do know that every woman everywhere would be MUCH happier if she stepped up, got out of her comfort zone and started living out the person inside.  So here’s the way to tackle our number one obstacle – fear!!

Start acting as if you weren’t afraid.  Walk as if you were confident.  Talk as if you were the person you were born to be.  The secret is that when you start acting this way, you’ll eventually find yourself being this person!  Start small.  Act “as if” with just one action, such as the way you walk or perhaps the way you talk.  Then, once you’ve mastered it, move on to the next action.  This may sound fake or inauthentic to you at first, but the bottom line is that it does work.  Go ahead and try it – look in the mirror and commit to doing this, because the woman you are looking at is definitely worth it!