10 Lessons for Women by Women: The meaning of hope

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.”
  ~ Anne Lamott

Hope is something that I think women know a lot about.  I know of women who have held on by a thread of pure hope when they were in an abusive relationship and were brave enough to make a change; women who are single moms and give their children hope every day in spite of the fact that they don’t know where the next meal may be coming from; women who continue to hold on to their dreams when the people around them do everything possible to convince them that they are unworthy and will never succeed.  And it is these women who prove that it is worth having hope in the most difficult circumstances – that the courage to hope and take action based on possibility is something real and can be life-changing.

Hope isn’t the silver lining of a cloud.  It is something you dare to do in spite of adversity and obstacles.  It doesn’t mean success; it means possibility or chance.  But it opens the door to something more and gives you a reason to keep on keeping on. 

10 Lessons for Women by Women: How to sail your ship

“I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.”  ~ Louisa May Alcott

Always know there is value in the storms that occur in your life.  Once you recognize this, you can truly make the most of every opportunity – opportunities often come disguised as extreme adversity.  And the way you allow the adversity to shape you determines whether you have gained something from it.  Often heartaches are our greatest teachers if we allow them this place in our lives. 

As a girl or woman, you may have experienced injustice because of your gender; you may have had opportunities taken away from you and perhaps you have had people around you who tried to destroy your self-esteem.  The real question is:  what has this taught you?  Has it taught you to work even harder for what you want or to hold onto your dreams no matter what?  Or do you just feel oppressed by what happened to you?  The events that you’ve experienced cannot change, but you can re-examine them and choose to learn something empowering from these events.  You can choose to become a stronger and more capable person because of these lessons.  It’s not about the storms – eventually it’s all about how you choose to sail your ship!     

10 Lessons for Women by Women: The longings of your heart

“Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves. We must learn to respect them. We must learn to listen.”  ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach.

What are the “deepest wishes” of your heart?  Have you forgotten these?  Think back to when you were a twelve year old girl and the world was filled with possibility and you were filled with the energy of your own potential.  Think about the girl you were and the hope that filled you no matter what life threw at you.  There is only one difference now:  you are a woman and you are even more powerful than you were as a young girl.  Recognize that power within you and every once in a while, stop your busy routine and cut through the white noise.  Then breathe and listen.  You will be brought back to the person you really are.  Connect with her again and feel her pulsing energy.  She deserves your respect and she deserves your attention.



10 Lessons for Women by Women: The risk of safety

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."  ~ Anais Nin

As girls and women, many of us have chosen to remain in our comfort zones.  Through the ages, the words “safety” and “security” have always been used by the majority of people to describe what they thought we needed (and when I say people, I’m not talking exclusively about men – even our mothers have used these words!).  It’s often not that we have been deprived of opportunities, but that we weren’t encouraged to step out of our comfort zones and do something.  The risk of stepping out conflicted sharply with the images of safety and security.  Even today, there are girls on the brink of adulthood deciding what career to enter into, and as I listen to them describing what they want to study and what work they want to do, I hear them say:  “It’s a good profession for a woman.”  Truthfully, that statement makes my skin crawl.  I want to shake them and say:  “What about your dream?  What is your passion?  Pursue that!!”  The definition of woman should not be “one who is limited by her anatomy”!

But my purpose here is not to berate society for their treatment of girls and women.  I said that many of us have chosen to remain in our comfort zones.  We are not victims – we are responsible for our lives and the choice is ours.  From a woman who believes in the power of being a woman, I hope that it does indeed become more painful for you to risk remaining “tight in the bud”.  Then you will choose to risk stepping out.  And because of this choice, you will blossom.  This is my prayer for every girl and woman worldwide.     

10 Lessons for Women by Women: A Woman's Choice

Women have been taught that, for us, the earth is flat, and that if we venture out, we will fall off the edge.  ~Andrea Dworkin

The first thing I thought of when I read this quote is a story I remember hearing some years ago.  I don’t know how true it is, but apparently if you put a bunch of crickets in a jar and put the lid on, at first they keep jumping as high as they can in an attempt to escape.  After a while, they find that escape isn’t possible and there is pain involved in hitting their heads on the lid each time they jump.  So they learn to jump a little lower in order to avoid this pain.  Soon, they are so well trained regarding what is possible and what isn’t, that you can take the lid off the jar and it makes no difference.  They won’t jump out because they don’t believe it’s possible.

It is true that women have been put down and taught that being a woman means that there are few possibilities.  But it isn’t what society teaches you that matters – it is what you give society permission to teach you; whether you accept the teachings as true.  You can, like the crickets, accept the fact that possibility is limited – you can use history and the experience of many others to justify the fact that your opportunities are limited.  Or you can use history to teach you what to do differently.  You can prove society wrong.  It’s all about what YOU believe to be true and what you’re willing to do about the status quo.  You can blaze a trail for all women – whether they decide to walk that path is their decision, but the trail will be there.   

Lessons for Women by Women: Raise your energy

"Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this room."  ~ Jill Bolte Taylor

Perhaps some of you have read Dr Jill Bolte Taylor’s book and know the context of this quote, but regardless of the reason she said it, this is a powerful and thought-provoking statement.  We are all responsible for the energy we bring with us to any situation in life.  This fact hit home hard one day some years ago when I walked in to teach a Grade 5 class.  I had just had a run-in with the principal of the school and together with the fact that my sister was still struggling with serious health challenges, I felt really low. 

So as I walked in to the noisy bustling of Grade 5’s, my attitude was reflected on my face.  I waited as patiently as I could for silence so that I could greet them, when one little ten year old girl asked me:  “What’s wrong?  Why are you sad?”  In that moment, as I struggled to form a reply, I saw the girl’s face – she looked concerned and insecure, as if she wasn’t sure that it was appropriate to be happy at that moment.  I scanned the other faces in the class.  They were waiting for me to give the cue.  That moment was a turning point for me.  Almost instantaneously, I chose to raise my vibration.  And I saw the effect that it had on the whole class.  This is a lesson I will always remember.

To the women reading this, know that if you are a mother, you set the tone in your home.  Your happiness and your energy will determine how your child will feel.  Let your excitement and joy spill over into your child’s life.  And remember, no matter what the circumstances, the energy that you bring to your loved ones is always a choice!

10 Lessons for Women by Women: You are unique

“You are unique, and if that is not fulfilled then something has been lost.”

       ~ Martha Graham, dancer, choreographer

Just as your fingerprints are totally unique, who you are is one of a kind.  During those times when you feel that you haven’t figured out your unique gift or purpose on this earth, remember that you have one.  Dreams can only be manifested when you open the door to possibility.  Let the unique woman in you shine through.  The world needs you – the real you exactly as you are!

Feel safe to be you - Acting "as if"

We’ve already played the IF Game in my last blog, but now it’s time to step up and be the woman you were born to be.  Sounds easier than it actually is – this is true.  But I do know that every woman everywhere would be MUCH happier if she stepped up, got out of her comfort zone and started living out the person inside.  So here’s the way to tackle our number one obstacle – fear!!

Start acting as if you weren’t afraid.  Walk as if you were confident.  Talk as if you were the person you were born to be.  The secret is that when you start acting this way, you’ll eventually find yourself being this person!  Start small.  Act “as if” with just one action, such as the way you walk or perhaps the way you talk.  Then, once you’ve mastered it, move on to the next action.  This may sound fake or inauthentic to you at first, but the bottom line is that it does work.  Go ahead and try it – look in the mirror and commit to doing this, because the woman you are looking at is definitely worth it!

Feel safe to be you: The IF Game

You’ve already begun the journey to get to know the young woman you are better – to find who you really are; your base nature.  You’ve searched for the moment in your life when you felt good about yourself and you felt happy.  Now it’s time to deepen that journey – to meet the real you without everyone around you telling you who you can be or who you should be.

Let’s go unlimited!  We’re going to play The IF Game.  Find a quiet spot and some uninterrupted time.  You’ll need a pen and your journal (the same one in which you answered the questions about yourself from the previous blog, The Apple on your Head).   Make sure you’re feeling calm and relaxed – you’re going to use your imagination, and if you’re stressed this exercise won’t work so well.

Imagine that you could be the young woman you truly wanted to be without anyone placing any limits on you.  Your choices would not be anyone else’s choices but your own, based on what’s best for you.  Your intention is not to be reckless or do irresponsible things, but to be the person you are inside, to act in accordance with your deepest intentions.  Close your eyes, think about this and then write your answer down for each “IF-Scenario”:

1.      If you could wear whatever you wanted to wear, what sort of clothes would you buy (and don’t let what the media prescribes influence your choices – be the individual that you are)?

2.      If you could do any sport/activity what would it be?

3.      If you could follow any career that you chose, what would you want to do for the rest of your life?

4.      If you could go on holiday to any place in the world, where would you choose to go?

5.      If you could give to any cause/charity that you wanted, which cause/charity would it be?

6.      If you could spend time with anyone in the world right now, who would it be?

Take a deep breath.  In the few minutes that you thought about these questions, you were free – free of the world’s rules, restrictions and prescriptions.  You were just you.  Remember who that is.  If you didn’t know the answers to the “IF-Scenarios”, take time and find out what your answers are.  Don’t feel bad – many girls and women have never taken the time think about this – they simply weren’t raised this way.  Role playing has been part of womanhood for centuries, but you have the power and the opportunity to break the cycle!  When you are being authentic and living out who you are inside, you will be so much happier than when you’re not.  And this is the root of self-esteem!

Feel safe to be you: The apple on your head!

There was probably a time in your childhood when you felt good – when you were quite happy with the girl you were.  It didn’t matter how you looked, you felt safe just being you.  Do you remember that time?  If you do, think of it and notice how you feel.  If you can’t remember such a time, remember something good about your childhood, no matter how insignificant it may seem – something that caused you to feel loved in some way. 

That’s the feeling you need to get back if you’ve lost it.  Because the truth is that the girl you were who knew who she was and knew what she liked was enough just the way she was, and her light and beauty shone through who she was.

So the question is:  how do you get such a thing back – how do you feel good about yourself again and how do you feel safe and confident again?  I’ve traveled this road and it’s a process, but it comes in the small things. 

1. Start by doing things that you felt good doing in your girlhood eg, riding your bike, playing with a yo-yo, bouncing a ball off the wall.  Perhaps this sounds silly to you, but chances are it will probably make you feel happy.  And happiness is part of regaining confidence and self-esteem. 
2. Listen to music that makes you feel really good, calm and happy.  If you don’t know what music you like, find out.  Rediscovering who you are and what you like is an essential part of the process.
3. While you’re listening to your favourite music, answer some questions about yourself:
1. What is your favourite food/colour/activity/book/poem/quote/etc?
2. What clothes do you like to wear (and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinion when you answer this – they’re not going to read your answer!)?
3. What makes you laugh?
4. Who is your favourite Disney character and why?
5. If you could do something completely outrageous (but legal and without harming yourself or anyone else!!), what would it be?
4. Do one thing that helps you to get out of your comfort zone eg.  make a new friend at school, participate in an activity that you were a little nervous of doing, show someone kindness by doing something nice for them, write a letter of appreciation to a teacher, your coach or one of your parents and give it to them.
5. Read a good book that inspires you and make a note about why it inspired you.

The suggestions above are ways that you can get to really know yourself and the things that make you happy.  This is part of the process of liking and loving yourself again.  No matter who you are, you are an amazing young woman with talents and a purpose. 

Just as gravity always existed, but Sir Isaac Newton became aware of it when an apple fell on his head, your “awesomeness” (I heard this word the other day and love it!) and amazing qualities are inside you.  And, lady, it’s time to be aware of them!  May this blog be the apple falling on your head, and as with Isaac Newton, may it lead to further research and incredible discoveries!!  I’m with you every step of the way!   

Feel safe to be you: Confidence and Self-esteem

One of the challenges many girls and women have is a lack of self-esteem.  When so many women of my mom’s generation tell me that in their childhood years they felt that they were supposed to be seen and not heard, it is easy to understand why this lack of self-esteem has filtered down to the girls of today.

Blaming the past is not going to solve this, and this blog series is about finding a solution, not rehashing the problem.  But I do think that every girl who read this and feels that this blog series applies to her, should look at when the lack of self-esteem and the feelings of insecruity started.  If this applies to you, I have a few questions that you should ask yourself:

1. When was the last time that you felt safe enough to just be yourself without giving thought to who was around you or where you were?
2. Who is the person with whom you can be most yourself?  And why?
3. What do you like most about yourself?
4. What do you enjoy doing?  Now this may seem like an irrelevant question, but the reason for it will be clear later in the series.  Just write down everything in life that you enjoy doing (hobbies, interests, social activities, sports activities, etc.)
5. Do you feel that you know who you are or are you still learning about your likes, dislikes, beliefs, etc.
6. Do you ever feel inferior to your friends/classmates?  If so, why?
7. Do you ever feel intimidated by your friends/classmates/other boys or girls in your age group?  If so, why?
8. What would you like to do in your life that you feel you don’t have the confidence to do eg.  participating in a specific activity, dressing the way you’d like to dress, speaking up in public, etc.

Think about these questions and when you have answers, write them down.  Your answers will help you as the blog series progresses.  I look forward to you using the series to develop your confidence and being the best person you can be! 

For more information about the Leave No Girl Behind movement or the Leadership Program and Worldwide Network for girls, please visit:  http://www.leavenogirlbehind.org/.

WELCOME!

A warm welcome to you from Shameema and I!  Our new website, http://www.leavenogirlbehind.org/,  is the manifestation of what our movement Leave No Girl Behind stands for and what it means to us.  Apart from working on our website and our projects (The HELP-HER-HELP-HERSELF Project and the Leadership Program and Worldwide Network for Girls), we’ve just completed the writing process of our book, also titled Leave No Girl Behind.

Whenever I look at the contents page of the manuscript, excitement bubbles up within me.  It’s not because I’m proud of the book that Shameema and I have created, although I am definitely incredibly proud of it.  I feel excited because I see how many women, men and children there are who have contributed their words to our book.  Each person’s words will impact a girl somewhere to achieve her dreams, or inspire someone to do something to empower girls.  Although the book is not published yet and we are hoping, praying and visualising that we will be accepted by a great mainstream publisher (hopefully Hay House), there is a part of us that knows that, no matter what, this powerful message will go out in the way it was intended to and it will transform the world.

In a sacred way all of us, the contributors to this special book, have joined hands to support the cause of girls’ empowerment, using our collective energy to inspire change in a big way.  And that, I think, is the magic of the whole book.  Authors, singers/songwriters, activists, pilots, editors of magazines, women who are in some ways ambassadors for their countries, mothers, fathers, teenagers, and so many others have decided to share in this endeavor to make the world a better place.  Hope lives, courage stands strong, and faith outweighs cynicism.  We’re building a better future for girls (and for the world population that they will literally one day give birth to) and the thought is both too enormous for words and humbling at the same time.

Please watch the Leave No Girl Behind video above.